


i wrote a letter to you.  ( you won't ever read it )

by rotwound



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Angst and Feels, But today is not that day, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, abby misses owen, i swear i'll write something happy for abby one day, mentions of suicidal thoughts near the end
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27542734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rotwound/pseuds/rotwound
Summary: after owen’s death, abby began writing letters to him as a coping mechanism and as her own way to recover from the trauma of losing him.
Relationships: Abby/Owen (The Last of Us)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	i wrote a letter to you.  ( you won't ever read it )

“ 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘺. 𝘪 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘠𝘖𝘜 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥. 𝘪 𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪 𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨’𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘥, 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘪 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦. 𝘺̶𝘰̶𝘶̶ ̶𝘸̶𝘦̶𝘳̶𝘦̶ ̶𝘮̶𝘺̶ 𝘪 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘪 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘰. 𝘪 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘪 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭. 𝘪 𝘣𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘮𝘶𝘨 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘳𝘬 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘴 𝘪 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘳𝘬 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘪 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘪 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯. 𝘪 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘪 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯.

𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘢𝘯. 𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘴𝘵... 𝘭𝘦𝘷 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘶𝘱 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘥𝘢𝘺. 𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘴 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵. 𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘦𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘪 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘺𝘢𝘳𝘢. 𝘪 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦’𝘴 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨… 𝘸𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘳𝘦, 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴. 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘢𝘳𝘢, 𝘸𝘦’𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. 𝘸𝘦’𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘪𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯’𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘪 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵... 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.

𝘪’𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘦𝘷 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘵𝘰𝘰, 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺. 𝘩𝘦’𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘪’𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘤, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘪 ̶𝘤̶𝘳̶𝘪̶𝘦̶𝘥̶ 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘪 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥. 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘥, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘪𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘭. 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘷 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘪𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦, 𝘵𝘰𝘰. “

movement stirs in the corner of abigail’s eye, and the woman looks up from the paper she’d been writing on to see lev’s small form rolling over underneath the blankets amidst the dim lantern-light. she smiles, softly — a little thing; a hopeful thing. from where she’s perched upon the cushions just next to the bed, abby reaches over to pull up the blankets a little more to tuck lev in; he murmurs something incoherent in his sleep, and abby only laughs to herself, shaking her head as she stares back down at her paper.

although it was the first time she’d written to owen since his passing, it wasn’t the first time she’d ever composed a letter for him — she still remembers fondly the countless lovesick letters her and owen had written back and forth when they were much younger, before their love had ever gone astray and became something so complicated that neither of them could manage to unravel the mess they’d made.

" 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦, 𝘪 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘭𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘦'𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦, 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘺. 𝘸𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘴, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘴, 𝘫𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘴𝘰𝘯. 𝘪’𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦, 𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘯, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦. 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥… 𝘪 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪 𝘥𝘪𝘥. 𝘪 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘚𝘊𝘈𝘙𝘌𝘋 𝘮𝘦. 

𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵… 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘥, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦. 𝘪 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘪 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘴𝘰 𝘪 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬, 𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘪 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘦𝘭. 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰𝘰, 𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘯. 𝘪 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰𝘰, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘪 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥. 𝘪𝘵 𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘦, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦. 

𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘪 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧. 𝘪 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸. 𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧𝘪𝘴𝘩, 𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘦 — 𝘪 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘪 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦, 𝘪 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. “

“ fuck, “ the blonde murmurs the word just under her breath, a nigh-silent oath as she raises the back of her hand to frustratedly wipe at wet eyes — and with a trembling hand she carefully rests her paper down on the table, when everything inside her wishes to tear it up and throw it overboard. vulnerability stabbed at her like a hot knife, and she soon leaves the boat’s cabin to go up on the boat’s deck, white-knuckled as she grips the railing and stares at the pitch black sea below. the only light from the moon and the lamp still inside; and on nights like these she wonders, after everything — losing her father, the fireflies, the wlf, her friends, OWEN — how hard would it be to just 𝘫𝘶𝘮𝘱? to let the waves overtake her and to allow life to fall in with death? the thoughts consume her until she keels over the railing and wretches, dry-heaving on a silent sob and for a moment she feels deaf under the ringing in her ears brought on by sudden and overwhelming thoughts; until she hears his voice.

“ abby? “

𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘷. “ i’m fine — just… go back to bed, i’m fine. “

“ you don’t look-... “

“ i said i’m 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦, lev. come on, let’s get you back to bed. “ abby ushers the boy back inside, and he complies, though not without a look of concern appointing soft features. “ go on. “ the woman murmurs as she holds up the blanket for lev to crawl into bed, to which he follows suit, allowing for abigail to tuck him in once more. 

“ my mother used to kiss my tears, when i cried. “ lev confides, and abby just nods — wipes again at her eyes and curses the boy in her mind for reading her like an open book. she takes a seat at the foot of the bed, and lev watches her from where he lays, understanding in his gaze.

“ my father used to do that for me, too, when i was younger. “


End file.
